Black Girl Blues Pt. 1

It is one of the most disheartening moments when you finally realize that the people you looked up to, placed on a pedestal to some extent, and thought had the answers to life and were living life, are not who you thought they really were/are. It is enlightening and disheartening the day you realize wisdom and knowledge does not increase with age. Yet, those who are older presume this to be true and treat those younger than themselves accordingly.

That is simply... Frustrating!


I cannot say for sure that they understand fully the demeanor in which they enact the belief that because they are older, that they know more and are wiser than I or you. Usually, it takes the form of them telling you you're not doing something right, you're missing the mark, you think too highly of yourself than you ought to, all the while they position themselves as knowing more and you ought to take heed to the advice they partake on you.


I will listen, but it is to my discretion whether I understand the advice to wise or not and take action.

Maybe, we are all guilty of doing this at one point or another. This may be a lesson to teach me how annoying, belittling, and arrogant it is. Trust me, I am learning! Now if I can only learn to prevent myself from doing it. Of course, that requires a daily consciousness of self and self actions, thoughts, and words.


The one thing I can say, is the more I come in contact with such foolish wisdom masked as a measurement of age, it makes me more and more inclined to draw away from the people I love, once loved to share every detail of my life with, and now, cringe at the very thought of having to talk more than five minutes with them.



It's the same feeling I got  the day I realized not all friendships will last forever. People really are here for a reason, season, and a lifetime. The foolish thing I have always done and am working to cease doing is attempting to make those reason and season persons a part of that lifetime category. I'm learning when some people have just ran their course in my life. It hurts to have to walk away or slowly disappear when some of those people have played such a huge part in the most memorable moments in my life, were a part in so many happy and fun times, and helped me through the difficult moments. We change at different paces and at the point in which we change pace, we must also change the people we surround ourselves with because it is true, that we our only as strong as our weakest link. People cannot change people. Only GOD can.And Birds of a feather do flock together.


So, I ask myself, what are my options? Do I really have options if the people who I loved and once loved me enough to give me space to grow on my own begin to damper my light, trample upon my spiritual growth, and block the sunshine I need to sprout?


They are tough questions, that I need to answer at some point in time, but I won't, at least not right now.

What's a Woman To DO??? Black Men Are Something Else These Days!

For the last two weekends, I have been traveling for pre-law programs and each time I have met truly amazing women during my travels. Last Saturday, I took a bus to New York for an event at Fordham Law School. At 3 a.m. I met a older lady who grew up in New York and moved to Maryland. Let's just call her Mrs. B.

For the next 2 hours, Mrs. B and I talked, mostly I listened because I find it intriguing to listen to the life stories of those older than me and to hear how different our worlds were/are when she was my age. As she talked about how she knew her husband since they were 14 and how her and her sisters acted towards men to build and demand respect, all I could think was that no one does that today! Mrs. B told me that her and her sisters had this rule: If a guy was 5 minutes late for a date, they would not go out with him. Every date after that he was on time!

I think that is how it should be now. The relations between Black women and men have become one where men expect women to cater to them on every hand and foot when they have done nothing at all to deserve it. What? You paid for movie and dinner!? Spent over $100!? You're not buying a service, a ho, or love. The amount of money men spend on a woman is for their own ego, that doesn't impress women of substance.


So, last night I decided to see how Mrs. B's philosophy would work in today's society. A old male friend has been wanting to hang out with me, but of course it seemed as if it was only on his time and always late at night. Now, I'm no BoBo the fool so I wasn't having that.

On Friday, he wanted to stop by on his way out to the club with his friends. Now, we were talking at 10:30 p.m. on the phone. Thus, his visit wouldn't come to 11:30 p.m. (The game was on). A little side note about me... I get in the bed early now because I like being an early riser, even on the weekends. So, I told him he couldn't come over because I planned on being in the bed by that time. His response, that I should stay up.


Ladies and Gentleman, Excuse me for a second. In what logical, let's keep it 100% real for a moment, world did that make sense and for whom. He wants to see me, but he also wants to finish watching the game. And I am supposed to stay up twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to get there only to be kept up even longer pass my bedtime and have to fight him out the house. Yeah, I saw all Cons for me and gladly said another day. He caught a little childish pout, mad he didn't get his way attitude. I really didn't care, he'll get over it.


Last night, I said I would be nice and invite him to a movie night at either 7 p.m. or 9 p.m. no later. Again, I wanted to be in bed early and I don't believe in having men over my house after a certain time, unless they are really good platonic friends of mine. I swear it seemed like I asked him to choose between two of the best strip clubs in town because he kept trying to call me back. Then, he tried to push the time back to 9:30 p.m. and I would not budge at first. I was on a mission to be in bed at a certain time. I started working on some projects and of course 9:30 p.m. was looking like the actual time I would be able to start the movie, so I hit him up and told him. Now, he wanted a later time. Asked him straight-up if he would be here by 9:30 p.m. and no later than that. He didn't know, so I told him no.


This time, his friends were having a get together and going out afterwards. He really wanted to see me, but wanted to hang out with his friends too. Not knocking him hanging out with his friends, do you baby boy! But Fellas, let me explain one thing to you! If you are really trying to talk to a girl, are in a relationship with her, and want to be successful in any female-male relationships, the woman comes first. You can hang out with your boys, not saying that you can't, but what I am saying is that you have to learn how to sacrifice and learn the ability to decipher when its "our" time and "your" time. At the end of the day, your boys are not going to cook your dinner, massage your back, clean your crib, wash your dirty drawers, and keep you warm and feeling needed, wanted, and sexy at night. If they are and you still want a woman to call your girl, O_o by all means do what you feel is right for you.

lol) OR 3) If you are spending time with your girl and balancing your time with your boys, but she wants you to spend your every waking second with her and no one else... Chances are you have a insecure little girl, not a grown woman.



If there is one thing that I cannot stand it is a man who can not make up his mind. Know what you want and be able to make a decision on how to get it. Listening to Mrs. B's advice on men, made me really think about men today and how everything must be how they want things and on their time. Everything during booty call hours when I ain't giving up no booty! I may be single for quite some time with this pattern continuing. As a woman, I am not chasing a man, the man should chase the woman. Yes, I still believe in that mentality and old way of doing things (only in the courting stages). 



I believe in compromise, but its amazing how men will always attempt to flip the script and try to make women feel as if they are wrong for sticking to their own principles. I don't want any man in my house after a certain time. That is what it is. Can't handle it or respect it, you just won't be knowing where I live or coming over. If that means I won't be having any relationships for a while, I'm fine with that. Maybe, men my age need more time to get their priorities in line. But I will never again be with a man who does not first respect me as a woman, human, a Black woman, and respect my feelings and time. Almost every woman has dealt with that before.


This post is not about all men, I can't even generalize this to all Black men, but this is my experience with the Black men and man mentioned above I have encountered. So, don't get your panties, thongs, granny drawers, boxers, or briefs in a twist thinking this is a blog that likes to demonize all men and women. Any Black person knows we are not the same and thus have to be treated as individuals. I don't like to be placed in a box, so I try my best not do it to others. It's an injustice.


But I wonder if Black relations will improve! Maybe I'm not meeting the right men, but where the hell are they hiding???? And please if you are one of those people that believe its not men, its something wrong with me Kiss My @ss it doesn't negate the fact that there are men who still engage in this manipulative behavior regardless of the woman's allowing it. If you believe that women allow men to act that way and therefore, they continue to engage in this behavior. You do an injustice to men by implying that they are incapable of self-control and self-governance and need someone to straighten them up. Think about it!

Get Out Of Your Own Way: My Experience at The National Black Pre-Law Conference

This is our history... our history was revolutionary & powerful. 

This is where we come from.

This weekend I had the honor of being present at a wonderful, great, marvelous, empowering, powerful, amazing, God-ordained conference: The National Black Pre-Law Conference founded by Ms. Evangeline M. Mitchell, Esq., Ed.M. that began Thursday and ended today in Houston, Texas.

Let me just say that I was extremely blessed to be in the presence of so many highly esteemed and great individuals. Make that great lawyers, judges, Law School shot callers, along with future and current law school students. To see Black people empowering each other, reaching back to give us the information that they WISHED they had to prepare them for law school and a career in law was just overwhelming for me.

So often we are in communities, churches, families, friendship circles, schools, and even being impacted by media where all we see are Black people demeaning each other and fulfilling the "crabs in a barrel" philosophy. We see, hear, and know of more Black men and women, and let's include our Hispanic brothers and sisters, that are going to jail than college, law school, and grad school. There is a vicious cycle of structural and institutional racism that is attacking and has been attacking US for so so long. Yet, our small gains in various areas are over fantasized as big achievements and we have simply become complacent with our current second-class citizen status because now the problems are covert and structurally hidden.


To be in a place where there was nothing but positive words of empowerment and inspiration, and advice being given to not only prepare the Blacks and Hispanics that were there, but to ensure that we succeed (i.e. apply, enroll, survive, and graduate law school as well as have successful careers) was truly amazing. There were a plethora of Unsung Heroes that without any one knowing who they were, were and are helping to pave the way to make it easier for myself, as a Black woman, to become a lawyer.


Yes, racism is still alive, but racism is NOT the reason for any person's failure. Your failure to preserve, keep faith, fight, and never give up is however. Do not let yourself become victim to, as they said, "Psychological Defeat."


Our ancestors fought too hard for the privileges, rights, and opportunities that we now take forgranted and pass up. Hardship is just that. Hard, but not impossible to overcome.



I am humbly grateful for the conference because I was turning myself into a victim of Psychological Defeat & now, let's just say I am "Hitting the ground running" now that I am back in Maryland.



Network, Network, Network!!! Talk to people. Ask for help! "Open mouths, don't get fed!"


A quote from a Maryland State Senator that he used every single day and every time I saw him that stuck in my head months, even months later is, "You have not, because you asked not."


So invest in yourself and do things that will enhance where you are and put you where you want and need to be. Money you can get back, the knowledge is invaluable. Empower yourself and each other. Open your mouth & watch how you will be fed. I am becoming a living testament of that & pray that the blessings that I have received from receiving the information, knowledge, wisdom, contacts, and experience from The National Black Pre-Law Conference in Houston, Texas will continue to keep flowing.



God Bless!


"Be an active participant in your destiny! It just won't happen out of thin air." - Ms. Chanelle

Vote! Vote! & Vote! - Don't Be Ignorant

As the general election occurs today, I have text everyone in my phone & called family members to vote. I understand that the many facebook statuses, twitter updates, texts, etc about voting can be annoying, but let's be practical: How often do you get mass messages & the same message from everyone?


While you may be one of these people tired of the message, someone else hasn't received it yet, someone else has decided they won't vote, and it is because of every one's persistence in spreading the Go Vote message that people have actually been guilted, persuaded, and coerced into exercising that right which was denied to African Americans and women not so many years ago.



So, if you are one of those people who have decided not to vote or think your vote doesn't matter, I say this to you: Don't Be Ignorant!


Your vote is your active participation in a process that is as important as brushing your teeth daily, eating, and drinking water for the health of your body. Voting is the action you take to show you care about the future of your taxes, your money, your child's education, the laws that will govern your life, and so many other things.


Please don't be ignorant to the fact that the people voted into office at the national, state, and especially local level have a lot of power in their decision making that govern our every day lives!!!!

I encourage you to not only vote because that is a easy step, but to be an informed voter. Don't take what you hear likely, do your research. We are in a advanced technological age where you have no excuse for why you didn't know something besides pure laziness and the failure to use your fingertips and the Internet.

Information is at the tip of our hands, so another thing I encourage you to do is to not only be an Informed Voter & actually go VOTE, BUT be active in the entire process from this day forth. Not just when elections come around, but all year round. Decisions are being made at these local Board meetings, during State hearings & committee meetings, and so forth. All of which you have access to. You have access to them. So, please don't be ignorant and vote without being informed, or don't vote, or think that voting was all you had to do to play your part in the process.


It's not!!!! A Democracy is successful when the people continually engage the process and tell their representatives what they want and don't want. How laws that are being proposed will really affect the people. Talking and arguing amongst your friends or cursing under your breath at the television doesn't help. Write an original letter because some, not all, but some politicians really do read their constituents letters and address their concerns. You, the constituent, are the BOSS. Exercise your power and right.


Just don't be ignorant... Too many people have fought, suffered, and died for this right that we now can exercise without the same barriers that once existed.


If you can't vote, I really don't think you have a right to even complain about anything. Just the same as if you don't put up money to pay for a group of people to see a movie, how dare you think you can add your two cents about what movie to see when the group decides on a movie you don't like.



Be informed, exercise your right to vote, & be engaged in the process after and before any Primary & General Election.

Are You Serious??? My Cell Phone Tho?

 We are in another technology revolution.It's crazy.

Believe it or not, I have been hearing and reading from many men that the type of cell phone a woman carries matters. Some have even gone so far to say we now live in 2010 which means that you should have a touch screen or a smart phone. Some men have said they won't date a woman who doesn't have those two types of phones.

Are you freaking kidding me? I think that's ridiculous! Increasingly, people (not specific to one race or gender) are becoming materialistic where we are defining ourselves and each other by how much we have, what we have, and how much we pay for it! I'm not oblivious to the fact that this has always been around, but it seems to appear that even more people, especially college graduates, are so caught up in the materialistic.


Well, I have one question for men and women who base their decision to date someone on the materialistic: What happened to the individual being a key factor in dating?


I am really trying to understand how something as a cell phone became a deal breaker. For me, it is not economically intelligent to be a prospective grad student trying to save money to ease the large amount of debt I'm about to stack up, but still paying $130/month for my Blackberry. Oh honey, that thing will get chucked after the 2 year contract is over. I will gladly get me a flip pre-paid phone from Walmart and use my google chat to dial people.



But, of course I'm keeping the money or "living within my means" in perspective. So, why does it matter what type of phone someone have that will determine whether you will date someone? Then, we wonder about the plight of relationships and marriage. Clarification: All marriages are on the decline in relation to their population.


At the end of the day, a phone still does its original purpose and calls people. Now that no one calls, every phone has the SMS text feature, so the only difference between the phones is the make, look, Internet capability, and $$$$$.


Let's base the process of selecting a partner, lover, mate, etc. off something other than as silly and materialistic as a cell phone. I even have a problem with people who can't look past the wrapping of the present (how someone dresses) and see the true gift in a person. Money buys clothes, shoes, cell phones, cars, & pays for our grooming, but not every person has money.


I pose this challenge. Get to know the person first before your deal breakers start calling play action and you miss out on a beautiful spirit. If that person can't dress, their hair is always just not on point, you always see them in sweats, etc. Get to know them! We pass these people by and guess what, that could be a man or woman in grad school, struggling at the moment for the larger price of making it in the end.


Let your superficialities GO!!!!! Let's be realistic in our deal breakers and our approach to dating.