New Year Resolutions

In my younger days, I made new year resolutions every year. Only to ditch them within a week of making them. Somehow, people continue to make Resolutions every year. Telling themselves and others that, "This year is my year."


Well, change doesn't need a start date it needs action. So, instead of waiting to the new year to make some needed changes in my life, I plan to start today.


Be a healthier person. Live a healthier lifestyle. Get organized. Get financially fit. Improve my communication skills. Beef up my networks. Stay focused. Get my life in order.




Change starts when you decide that enough is enough. When you start to embrace change as something good, not scary or something to fear, you're able to cope with it better. So, start today. Don't wait til midnight Dec. 31st, make 2010 your year and continue that change into 2011.




Happy New Years!

Men Ain't Men No More

 No words.

Chivalry been dead. No shocker there, but men are not men any more. The script has flipped and now they want to be chased, romanced, and treated like a Queen, I mean, no I meant Queen.


So in my real attempt not to be coerced into a relationship, a guy I was talking to (who will remain anonymous) actually told me he wants somebody that wants him too. Now, I'm thinking to myself, "duhhhh, why wouldn't you?."

Then, he continues and asks if I like him because he didn't want to like me unless I liked him too. Now, those weren't his exact words, but in summary that's it. I laughed!

Seriously, how old are we that you are so scared of rejection that you rather look like a punk little boy. I can't respect a man that wants to take the easy route for love. How am I as a woman supposed to respect you and allow you to be a man?


Men ain't men no more. They are too scared of rejection. Too busy still chasing women who don't really care about them, well at least not until they finish spending his money. Too big headed thinking that by chasing their careers, the women will follow. It's true, but only the golddiggers will follow.Too conceited thinking women should cater to them, demanding 10's when they are a 4 and barely look composed.



You can't demand the world, if you aren't willing to give it! Don't let the videos, movies, and other falsehoods fool you. All that glitter is not gold! And money doesn't always attract the best kind of women, you know the type of woman that will ride with you. It only attracts the women that will ride with you until the money is gone then leave you for your homie.


I can easily apply the same unrealistic expectations to women. Let's get real with what we are offering and what we want. Stay focused on your own lane and stop looking at how everyone else is running their race or how their running it.


As far as men, I have no idea how to get back to the days where men were men. I could look up to them instead of now, I shake my head and laugh at the guys that step to me. All I can say, is don't let rejection turn you into a coward. Simply put, what homeboy did to me was pitiful and got him completely dismissed and labeled a crazy.



Deal with your emotional baggage people. Don't talk to someone until you have finally gotten rid of it or minimized the load you carry. And never ever get comfortable.



The plight of Single Black Women.

Double Standards?!

We live in a world where double standards have become the norm. While we may not all agree with them and some of us may even attempt to fight them, one way or another we get boxed in or box someone else in with these so-called double standards.



When men sleep with multiple women, he is just sowing his oats or being a man. When a woman does it, it is not looked upon as sexual liberation and freedom, but it is demonized as ho-ish behavior and she is no longer an attractive candidate as wifey... she is now jump-off material. Men will sleep with her, but not lock her down. On the flip side, women will keep sleeping with the promiscuous man in hopes of being locked down as wifey, knowing damn well he will continue to cheat. Not always, but a high likelihood he will.



That is the most common double standard.Just used it as an example, but there are many more double standards that exist in our every day life. From women who expect men to pay for every outing or meal. To men who believe that just because he pays he is entitled to sex. You may be thinking how is that a double standard, here's how: If a woman paid for everything (You know this happens) and a man is not putting in any money, then she would be entitled to all the sex, cooking, cleaning, and whatever she wants! Right?! Somehow when the tables are reversed, it's no longer ideal.


Even in the work place, if a Black man responds to a comment made with a stern voice and strong opinions he is being assertive. A Black woman who does the same thing is labeled as a bitch, angry, aggressive, bitter, and in desperate need of some sex to make her happy again. A double standard that plays on the stereotypes of Black women.


So, I would love to say let's get rid of these double standards! But in reality there are some I am not willing to give up like men offering their seat to a woman, opening doors, and pulling out chairs. Oh, and paying for the first date!


I personally live by the philosophy that if I invite you out, then I pay, but if you invite me out.. cough up the cash player. You want my time and to be in my company, not the other way around.


I do believe that as a woman if you call yourself independent, then you need to be independent enough to help cover the cost or pay it all for a particular outing. Again, I don't pay anything for the first three outings, but after that I'll surprise you by taking the check. (Have to send that subliminal message that I don't need you, but I want you. Men tend to forget that.)



Keep them all, some, or none? Tough! But double standards exist and they are beginning to destroy the creation of relationships because people are becoming so blind to the if I do this, you should or should not do this philosophy.


Let's be better about making up our own rules and not following the crowd because clearly not every one is doing it right in their relationship, marriage, etc. Are you mature enough to recognize your double standards?


The majority is not, it's okay. Takes a strong group to roll with the minority and go against the grain.

Special Delivery: A Special Part of Me

I told myself I would keep my poetry that I began writing to myself. See its been years since I have stood on a stage allowing the words to slowly escape my slips on the roller coaster of perfect timing, tone, and just deliverance for a precise presentation. My love has welcomed me back with open arms and its been nice ever since.


Although I said I wouldn't share, I think this one may resonate with people. Here it is, so enjoy!

Unnoticed

Here, I sit

In a room full of people

Yet, I go unnoticed.

Everyone engrossed in what they are doing at the moment

Not a care about what pain is occurring somewhere in the world

No thought that someone, somewhere just took their last breath.

It is the absence of consciousness that allows me to sit here

And go unnoticed.

Face full of sadness

Eyes drenched with despair

I receive glances, but these glances remain empty mimicking glances given to a stranger passed on the street.

Everyone is engrossed in their current engagement

Present only in the moment in hand.

Here, I sit

Present in the Yesterday's, Earlier's, and Tomorrow's

Sitting waiting in the moment

But my spirit elsewhere.

My body sits here

My eyes drenched with the neglect of love, heart beating to the slow drum beat of sorrow

My head swirling over the resounding disappointment on the brink of defeat.

I sit unnoticed

In a open space surrounded by others

Yet, my body sits here unnoticed.

My spirit dancing with hope in the Yesterday's and Tomorrow's

Earlier's no longer exist in spirit

Only they still reside in my body.

The remnants of Earlier's in my eyes sullen with a dream deferred

My body and mind waging a tug of war for my spirit to return to Reality.

Have you seen Reality?

Have you been there lately?

Because my spirit

Ever present in the Yesterday's and Tomorrow's feels at home

Always dancing to the music

Laughing at every joke

Skipping, instead of walking.

Does Reality allow your spirit to roam free in its Kingdom?

Here, I sit

Forgetting the Yesterday's, Earlier's, and Tomorrow's.

Here, I sit

In the midst of Others engaged in the current moment

Unconscious of every thing happening in the world where news reporters dare not venture.

Here, I sit

In this God forsaking Reality that wanted Me to be present for it

Gone unnoticed.

Tears streaming down my face

Running trails where my make-up once was

As if my tears that had fallen into my lap like raindrops intended to follow that trail back into my eyes once I had finished going unnoticed in a room full of Others.

Here, I sit

In the Present moment called Reality

Gone Unnoticed.

I guess no one missed me, my spirit. 

Yet, Here I am, Now...

Unnoticed.

Desire for Love?

I often find myself analyzing and critiquing my actions on a daily basis. Talk about OCD, right??


Well, one thing that has come to my attention is this desire for love. Love is defined in many different ways and I have yet to define what love means to me. It seems that if you look out at the world, love is not popular, yet desired by those who very seldom want to express or give it. What about the Love for Desire?

We desire people to notice our daily existence. If you didn't, you wouldn't have a facebook or a twitter, for posting on these sites sends a message to your online friends that I am still alive. I desire your attention to notice that I am still here. Even if we are still here, barely managing to keep our sanity in this so-called reality of what we call life. Even if we write our statuses, eyes filled with tears from the realization that no one really gives a damn of your existence. But, we love to desire. Desire attention.


You might find the disdain in the tone as you read this, and probably because it is there. We, as humans, desire love. We have a desire for love. So, what do you do when that desire is being unfilled? Is loving yourself enough? Is it as easy as telling someone YOU are responsible for loving yourself?


Well, if that is the answer. Perhaps, you can elaborate on how do you explain that to: a 2 day old baby thrown in the garbage by a mother who doesn't want the responsibility? A 5 year old little girl beaten close to death by alcoholic parents who were beaten by their parents? Or a 12 year old boy raped by his step-father and then disowned from his entire family when he reveals that he is now gay at the age of 15?


Is loving oneself enough to fulfill the desire for love?


If the proverb, it takes a village to raise a child, is true, then does it not also take a village to love a child. So, I ask you, is loving yourself enough to fulfill your desire and need for love? Love as you define it. Ask yourself. It's a rhetorical question.