Fear of Love

I find myself wanting a new relationship, yet fearing that I am not ready for one. That my heart is not yet strong enough to handle the potential heartbreak that may ensue or disappointment that this one is not the one again.


I don't think there are any set criteria of what makes a woman attractive to a man or attracts the one she is to be with forever. Some women think if they lose this amount of weight or wear this type of style that men will seek them more and more. But what type of men are we really attracting?

I know I am not attracting any right now for the very purpose stated above. I made it a point not to stand out too much with my clothing, hair style, or etc. for the simple fact that I do not want to attract attention from any man. Not right now! I feel like my life is going in so many different directions that for a relationship to take place, that would just add fuel to the huge forest fire spreading called my life.


I wonder how many women do the very same thing of making themselves not look less attractive, but making sure they don't stand out more as to not draw the opposite sex's attention.


But don't get me wrong! I can not tell you how many times men have hollered at me when I thought I look busted! Scarf on my head (I was headed to the braiding salon) or clothes were raggedy (just ran to the store), but when I actually dressed up and was on my 'A'-game... Nothing!


Either self-esteem is way down, confidence is poor, or they are just stereotyping certain looks of women as easy or needs more work put in. I'm not going to lie, I don't even acknowledge men who holler at me because as a lady you only holler at little kids and dogs.


That's neither here nor there. I am apprehensive about finding true love. About an endearing, loving, and amazing man finding me. The fear of screwing up what could be a great relationship turned marriage. Oh man! I say, not right now, but soon. It is a fear I look forward to conquering head on, because I can only ask myself one question: What is the worse that can happen?