Introspection: Intellectual Struggle Within My Mind

 I'm not a man, but the art speaks for itself.

I ran into a old classmate from one my favorite classes in undergrad today as I was coming from a political panel that was excellent. When we began talking, her diction and articulation reminded me that somehow I had fallen off my A game. But, I was able to pick my game right back up without difficulty. It was similar to the saying/belief that once you ride a bike, you never forget how to ride one.


Well, we began discussing relationships and education. Specifically, the gap that education (obtaining a post-secondary education) perpetuates in family, friends, and even romantic relationships. I mentioned that the ability to have a intellectual conversation was very, very important to me in a romantic relationship. Here's why:


Depending on the type of college you go or went to (I went to a PWI - Predominately White University) and the type of classes you took (I was a Social Science major) your language begins to adapt to the distinct language in that field. If you want to master your field, you learn the language. For example, if you're a Psychology major you may use terms such as dissociative, cognitive or reinforcement. While non-Psych manors may know these terms, how they're used in the Psychology field and in everyday society are disparate.



Then I thought about how education starts dividing us socially because in order for one to continue to grow and excel in their field of study they must accompany like-minded people. If the guy I'm talking to is a "around the way" guy, blue collar job, and didn't do too well in school and not too bad, I can't discuss the dire need for education reform to reconsider zoning and the classism that exists within various regions. The language that I use may be unfamiliar to him. Let me clarify, it becomes increasing hard and annoying to have to explain what you said again after you said it, but this time in a language that your partner would understand. For me, and I don't speak for everyone, I don't want to communicate in a different language that requires more thought about how to say it in a comprehensive manner than what I first thought or said. It's just more work. I prefer to use the language I used in my mind when I first wrestled with the idea. (Now, I'm not saying if I met the right guy and that was the only obstacle that it would be a automatic deal breaker, but he might have to take some classes. I'm not trying to dumb it down.)


When I was in college as a upperclassman, I was talking to a ex from my Senior year in high school and we were talking about politics and the Presidential race. Now, my ex had never gone to college and whether or not he is smart, etc. is not relevant, but it became painfully obvious that he was using words that he didn't really know how to use in a sentence and he didn't know what he was talking about. I felt as if he was trying to impress me (the college ex-girlfriend) rather than just being himself and I felt more annoyed that my intelligence was being toyed with. That is, I was teased with a conversation that started a desire to debate the matter further, but he wasn't a qualified opponent to debate.


I still believe that intellectual compatibility is a must for me. However, with the number of Black women pursing post-collegiate education growing and the number of Black men attending 4-year accredited colleges receding, I'm a little worried about my pool of options once I am out of law school. Of course, men of other races are a option, but its nothing like a beautiful Black man by your side as a Black woman. Then, geographical location already limits my eligible pool of "dateable" men, but education which furthers ones intellectual capacity has proven through experience that my options are even more limited or they just don't live in the DMV.


I wonder if I am the only one that takes intellectual compatibility into consideration when deciding what men are granted access to pursue more than just a preliminary conversation with me. Yes, I said granted because we all have permission to grant and revoke a person's admittance in our lives. If you don't pass the conversation test, you're SOL buddy! But is intellectual compatibility even important to men or women? Or more important to women than men or vice versa?