Ain't No White Hoods No More..

As messed up as it is, the truth is something else.

I have a million and one things that I need to do & need to write, but this one is fresh on my mind so I will start here.


I just finished having a conversation with my grandmother about so many topics wrapped into one. From how Blacks in the South were treated back then, her memory of being called a "nigger" as a little girl, from factories in South Carolina now being replaced with work in jails and how education is the biggest threat to Black people "making it" nowadays.


When you sit back and really think about it, it rings a lot of truth. More prisons than schools are being built, Blacks & Latinos already dominate the prison population, the retention rates of Blacks in high school and college are lower than their white counterparts, and none of these topics are being taken serious by the masses. I wonder if its because it doesn't seem like a imminent threat like a white hooded figure with a burning torch riding a horse up to your house.

The system has changed and from the words of my grandmother "Black people are always behind in learning the rules of the game." From what we name our kids to the discipline we teach our kids to respect authority figures. I really understand where she is coming from and as I sat back and dove a little deeper, there is so much more that attacks us and we pay absolutely no attention to it. Rap lyrics that send the message to young men that women are supposed to hand you their virginity and convince young women if you don't give it up he won't like you. Subliminal messages that have grown women aspiring to superficial ideals of beauty that defines our very nature as women as having to have it together all the time from our hair, make up, nails, body, and clothes. Telling young men if you can hustle, education ain't really all that important.


It is definitely a wake up call to myself to remember that there is a bigger picture out there and it is not just about me. The crabs in a barrel mentality has to end some where because we continuous bring each other down and never once realize once we start helping each other the struggle may become easier.


Just one conversation from my grandmother and I feel a thrust to achieve a level of excellence, but also the burden of having to represent my race. Something that I do not believe any other culture has perpetually dealt with in America.


I'm still laughing, but with a little pain in my chest... that my application is probably sitting in somebody's pile to the side because of my name.

Your thoughts?

Feeling Inspired!

Been feeling a little inspired to just go for it lately! Was re-reading my old posts on one of my other blogs Muses to My Soul and came across one I wanted to share today. Enjoy!

"People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future."

A Sixth Sense: Ex Radar

 I just love this!

I have been a little absent lately. Not just from blogging, but from everything in life to just take a breather and figure out where am I really going. To no avail, I'm still searching for that answer. In the meantime, I finally made a step towards one of my goals for 2011 which is to become physically fit.


As soon as I start moving, just moving, even though its the beginning, guess who comes back around. I feel as if any time I am in the process of making progress an ex comes knocking. And not just one either. It's like exes have a sixth sense.


First, an ex from a couple years back who told me the reason why we broke up was due to the fact that he wasn't comfortable falling in love. A few years removed from the relationship and hearing this same excuse multiple times already now I just quietly blink, nod to myself, and say ok. I mean what is there to say?! Then, one lovely morning or afternoon on facebook chat he decides to reveal that he still loves me and that is the reason why we can no longer be friends. This, of course, is followed by a 'delete' on facebook. I chuckled because little did he know I had been praying on what to do with him since I no longer needed his negativity in my life and lo' and behold he moved himself.

Then, last week after months that my facebook account had been deactivated, I receive a friend request. *bbm confused face*


Now the second ex... Again, oh dear facebook and that devil called 'mini feed'. I see my ex who was once upon a time my best friend (i.e., meaning it was easier attempting friendship years later than other exes) comments on a female ex-best friend's status. I'm thinking to myself, when did they become so friendly for him to comment on her wall. Then, the second thought comes around and I'm thinking you comment on her page, but haven't spoken to me in a month. Must be the ex-radar because I received a phone call last night.



Can ex's really be friends? At what point do you stop playing in the revolving door? How do you even break it down that you have no interest in playing a role in their life or them playing a role in your life at this point? Should you have to define your relationships with people? Why do people linger, popping in and out of your life?



Those are the questions that  I ponder right now and I am in no rush to answer them just yet, just like 'his' ignored friend request and 'his' unanswered phone call.


So... Do ex's really have a sixth sense? I know I am not the only person this happens to!


Feel free to share!

Any Good Black Men Left?

Fine Chocolate! Mr. Darren Sharper

It may be that I am just becoming more aware or it really is a new occurrence, but men seem to be immature in their early 20's. The focus is getting money, women, and grinding. I'm not going to stand in the way of a man bettering himself through education and grinding in his career, but with Black women outnumbering Black men... the mentality that men can have more than one woman and women should learn to accept it is inexcusable. But why can't you get another degree and move up the career latter with a woman by your side. (It is my dream to be a power couple with my significant other.)

I want to know who sets the standard of culture and expectations. Women are chasing men like weaves. So at what point will men not go after every woman he can sleep with and how long can a woman stand her ground in a man's life if another woman is standing by waiting and plotting on how to get close to his bed side.

It is too easy to ask are there any good Black men, but my question is are there any good Black men who are faithful, trustworthy, mature, focused, God-fearing, loyal, independent in all respects, and in their early 20's. I rather wait for an equal that attracts my interest than fall back into old habits of just keeping a man around because I rather not be lonely. Something about this time of waiting for Mr. Right that teaches you patience, strength, and provides ample time for introspection.


Content with the journey... after all the journey is the destination.

Facebook: The Death of Civilization

Uncle Sam wants you! Yes, you!

A couple of months back I deleted my Facebook account. I became fed up with the antics that continued to appear on my news feed and the false sense of "friend"-ship that people assumed. I recently reactivated my account.. Who knows how long it will remain activated. I guess until the next "I just got laid/smoking a J" or "My baby daddy ain't ish" status appears, I'll stay on. Let's begin...


On my way to work this morning, I was listening to 93.9 discussing how people behave on Facebook. Oh the ignorance that ensued. 


Parents and adults called in stating that Facebook should have a age limit. Then, someone suggested that the government should monitor teen's facebook pages for language that could provoke violence.


All I could think was: Are you freaking kidding me!


Even if there was an age limit, kids would lie to get on just like I did when I was young to create a blackplanet page or a myspace. I remember when Facebook was just for college students and then a separate section just for high school students. There wasn't as many issues as there are now on Facebook since it has opened to the general masses.


And why in the world does the government need to monitor your child's behavior??? I believe parents fail to uphold their responsibility as guardians over their children. A parent saying they can't control their child is a parent that maybe should not have had a child. Monitoring your child's behavior on Facebook is not the responsibility of the government or Facebook. Teach our youth how to conduct themselves on social networking sites and then we would be better off.



Then again, the kids have to have an example. I honestly see more adults acting reckless and childish on Facebook than I see teenagers. So, who are they supposed to follow?


I mean adults are killing each other over $20. (If you haven't heard the NY news story, Click here!) Times are getting crazy and Facebook is becoming the death of people acting civilized.


Somehow people take the comfort of being behind their Internet screen forgranted believing that the Internet is safe a space to attack people, create drama, and be a Internet thug. Not every person is equipped with the skills to maturely, logically, and rationally respond to such immature nonsense.


I don't know what the solution is just yet, but I know that Facebook is not the problem. It is the people who use Facebook to devise evil and wicked plans.



What's your take?

Looking for Mr. Right (Now?)

Not sure about all of that..

The funny thing about being single is that at some point you start thinking about when you will no longer be single.


Lately I find my mind engrossed with thoughts of finding Mr. Right or at least Mr. Right Now. I think I have been single for about 5-7 years now. Which really means I have not had an adult relationship. At 22, I know I'm still young, but for some strange reason 23 seems like the age of blissful love affairs and romantic evenings under the stars.


The craziest part about expecting love is seeing male friends or strangers and wondering "Is he it?"


I'm not crazy!! but I am in love with the idea of being in love. The idea of love. The love you see in movies that reality seems to distance itself far away from. Love that is romantic, sweet, adventurous, loyal, faithful, and amazing. What can I say!? I'm an idealist!


I guess I should take the advice of Vivica Foxx from my favorite movie Two Can Play That Game and, "occupy my damn time."


Life is such... well I really don't know yet! Still amazing in my eyes with a bit of bumps and bruises along with old scars.


To be continued... hopefully something will pop up. I just want a little spice added to my love life.


~ A Beautifully Crafted Mind

A New Beginning!

I originally started this blog as a medium to express myself and do so without scrutiny or anyone knowing who I am.

At this very moment, I feel empowered not to hide behind a pseudonym for my freedom of expression.

Lately, I felt as if my blog has become a pulpit for every issue I wanted to address including my lack of a so-called love life. I guess on March 1, 2011 I'm starting a revolution for myself, to be a little open to the world and show a little more than I would be comfortable with.


This is the last post for the moment under Diary of a Single Black Woman...

And no, I'm still single lol Still looking for Mr. Right, but Single Black Woman just doesn't seem to give justice to the complex simplicity of my soul, heart, and mind.

Under Transition to the next chapter! Salud!

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

This time last year was the first Valentine's Day in a long time that I was content with being single. Seeing love in the air and flaunted around me didn't make me depressed or sad like back in high school where moms came home and found me in the dark listening to "I am ready for love" by India Arie. I can laugh now at that, but back then I really wanted to love someone and feel love. I still do, but have the better judgement to wait for someone who is worth it rather than the next guy that comes my way.


So, how as a single woman for the last 5 years have I refrained from becoming bitter on this day? I remember that love is not limited to a relationship. This day is not just a day for non-platonic lovers, but one for everyone to show how much they love the people in their life. A celebration of love.


It is easier said than done, but over the years I can now look at a couple on this day kiss, and smile. Knowing that even if it is just this day, there are people who are being loved.


The only thing that unnerves me is that there are people who limit their love to just this day as if love only needs to be displayed once a year. Love is to be done, shown, and acted upon every single day.


Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers and all of the single women and men in the world. Know that someone loves you and never stop believing that love exists. Sometimes you have to create it for yourself the type of love that you seek to find. Start with yourself today and every day forth to cultivate love for yourself and you will begin to attract the love of others around you.


At the end of the day, I won't lie that Valentine's Day has just become another day on the calendar. After 5 years, it's just Monday, February 14, 2011.


xoxo

You are WHAT??? Getting Married??

Yesterday, I received a phone call from a old friend whom I haven't spoken with in months. After about 5 minutes of the usual "How have you been?" and "What have you been up to?" he informs me that he is getting married. I was slightly stunned. I am fairly young and he is only three years older than I, but I was interested in knowing how did he know she was the one and all the specifics.


So, I asked the major question I would ask any of my friends, "Are you ready?"


Marriage is a big commitment and it is one that should not be taken lightly. I do not believe in divorce. In our day and age, divorce may be common practice as the plan B if this marriage thing doesn't work out or you ate my last piece of pie (I kid), but that doesn't mean it's right. If divorce was not an option, I think people would really sit down and thing long about whether or not they are ready to spend the rest of their life with this one person, with their baggage, with their financial health, with everything. You don't just take on a person, you take on everything that comes with that person. What was once just yours in no longer yours, but ours.


He answered, "I am as ready as I'll ever be."


Honestly, I didn't like the answer and I still don't like it. Maybe, I am just not there yet, but I think if you are about to marry a person you better sure as hell know you're ready. Of course there willl always be some doubt, I recognize that, but you need to be sure.


Now, as a woman, you know I had to ask how he proposed. That is a huge thing! He confessed that he proposed as a joke in the drive thru of a fast food restaurant. I was in utter disbelief. A marriage proposal as a joke? Although a man may contemplate marrying the woman they are with, I think how you propose sets the tone for the type of marriage you want to lead. Sort of. It's not the end all be all, but it does speak volumes about you and your relationship. How you propose, the preparation you put into it, and when and how the proposal goes down are all important even though I know some men don't pay attention to these details.


I am happy for him! Marriage is a beautiful thing when God has ordained it. So, I pray that God blesses their marriage and I implore the soon-to-be married couple to approach marriage as an adventure to be enjoyed and not as hard work.



But, now I am left with fantasies and dreams of how I want my proposal to happen, where, when, and how I would want my wedding.



Then, I remember that as a Single Black Woman, I am taking my time as single to bask in the time I have to improve myself and attain a level of excellence and greatness as well as peace amongst many other things before I find the man with whom I can stand proudly beside and he proudly beside me as my equal.



"The Destination Is The Journey." - I look forward to this adventure of my own to discover love or allow love to discover me. For the first time, I feel apprehensive teased with excitement about my future love life.

Bad Girls Club: These Girls Are Insane

Welcome to the Bad Girls Club!

So, during my break from studying, I decided to watch some television and came across Bad Girls Club. The only reason I know this show exists, is purely from Twitter. I gave the show a chance and ended up doing more screaming at them and shaking my head than I have done in a long time.


This episode was the one where Char went head to head with Nikki and threw her belongings off the balcony and into the pool and yard and the new girl Ashley arrived. Char is a character alright!


I just could not understand her logic on this episode and she seemed delusional and psycho with the monkeys following right behind her and agreeing with everything she said or decided.


Char prided herself on being the oldest of them all, yet acted like an irrational middle school girl attacking someone physically and bullying Nikki because you don't like her. Are you sure you're not 12?


Then Ashley and her friends! What was the point of your girlfriends starting drama in the house that you have to live in and they will leave. Look at the bigger picture and forsee the consequences of your and your company's actions. Ridiculous!


This show is called Bad Girls Club for a reason. They are Bad. Bad at being grown, mature women! All this drama for what? Can your life really be that boring that you need to stir up trouble?



Then, that makes me think of women in the real world who thrive on drama. Always have gossip flowing from their lips and need some type of drama to feel important. I stopped all that mess when I left 8th grade.


Ladies and gentleman, drama is not cute nor is it suitable for any self-respecting grown mature adult. Anyone over the age of 21 is too old to still resolve conflicts with the emotional and intellectual capacity of a middle-schooler. Drama is for tv and not real life. Ideal, yes. Practical, depends on the person.


Sincerely,


Drama free for 8+ years.

New Updates On Cancer From John Hopkins (Must Read)

"My people perish for a lack of knowledge." Hosea 4:6

John Hopkins Publishes Article on Cancer (A Must Read)

AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY
IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY ('TRY', BEING THE KEY WORD) TO ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY .


Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins :

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer
  cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have
  multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients
  that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after
  treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the
  cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable
  size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a
  person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer
  cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and
  forming tumors.


4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has
  nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic,
  to environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing
   diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune
   system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing
  cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells
  in the bone marrow, gastrointestinal tract etc, and can
  cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars
  and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment
 with chemotherapy and radiation will often
  reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of
  chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor
  destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from
  chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either
  compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb
  to various kinds of infections and complications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to
    mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy.
    Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other
    sites.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer
    cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.

*CANCER CELLS FEED ON:

a. Sugar is a
 cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off
  one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar
  substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made
  with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute
   would be Manuka honey (a New Zealand Honey - can be found at some health food stores or online {Amazon.com}) or molasses, but only in very small
   amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in
  color Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.

b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the
  gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting
  off milk and
 substituting with unsweetened soy milk cancer
  cells are being starved.

c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based
  diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken
  rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock
  antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all
  harmful, especially to people with cancer..

d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole
  grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into
  an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked
  food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live
  enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to
  cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance
  growth of healthy
 cells.. To obtain live enzymes for building
  healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most
  vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw
  vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at
  temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high
  caffeine Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer
  fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or
  filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap
  water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of
    digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the
    intestines becomes putrefied and leads to more toxic

 buildup.

13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By
    refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes
    to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the
    body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system
    (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals,
    EFAs etc.) to enable the bodies own killer cells to destroy
    cancer cells.  Other supplements like vitamin E are known
    to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's
    normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or
    unneeded cells.

15. Cancer is a
 disease of the mind, body, and spirit.
    A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior
   be a survivor. Anger, un-forgiveness and bitterness put
   the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to
   have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy
   life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated
    environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to
    get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen
    therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer
    cells.

1. No plastic containers in microwave.

2. No water bottles in freezer.

3. No plastic wrap in microwave.

Johns Hopkins has recently
 sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well. Dioxin chemicals cause cancer, especially breast cancer. Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently, Dr Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as
 TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper.  The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.

Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave.  As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.

This is an article that should be forwarded to anyone important in your life.

Fear of Love

I find myself wanting a new relationship, yet fearing that I am not ready for one. That my heart is not yet strong enough to handle the potential heartbreak that may ensue or disappointment that this one is not the one again.


I don't think there are any set criteria of what makes a woman attractive to a man or attracts the one she is to be with forever. Some women think if they lose this amount of weight or wear this type of style that men will seek them more and more. But what type of men are we really attracting?

I know I am not attracting any right now for the very purpose stated above. I made it a point not to stand out too much with my clothing, hair style, or etc. for the simple fact that I do not want to attract attention from any man. Not right now! I feel like my life is going in so many different directions that for a relationship to take place, that would just add fuel to the huge forest fire spreading called my life.


I wonder how many women do the very same thing of making themselves not look less attractive, but making sure they don't stand out more as to not draw the opposite sex's attention.


But don't get me wrong! I can not tell you how many times men have hollered at me when I thought I look busted! Scarf on my head (I was headed to the braiding salon) or clothes were raggedy (just ran to the store), but when I actually dressed up and was on my 'A'-game... Nothing!


Either self-esteem is way down, confidence is poor, or they are just stereotyping certain looks of women as easy or needs more work put in. I'm not going to lie, I don't even acknowledge men who holler at me because as a lady you only holler at little kids and dogs.


That's neither here nor there. I am apprehensive about finding true love. About an endearing, loving, and amazing man finding me. The fear of screwing up what could be a great relationship turned marriage. Oh man! I say, not right now, but soon. It is a fear I look forward to conquering head on, because I can only ask myself one question: What is the worse that can happen?

You Won't Help Me, But You Want My Help??? Come Again!?

Whatever happened to the good ole days when people actually helped other people?!! Is it just me or does everyone have a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality. Everyone wants help, but no one willing to give help.


This is one of those things that I keep running into time and time again. There are still a very few that are willing to help their fellow sisters and brothers, then there are the one's who will help you, but make sure you realize how much of a burden it is that they are helping you. I am really baffled by this phenomena.


Everyone expects you to make it, but no one will lend a helping hand. It is almost as if you have to create your own success story. When you create it the very people who wouldn't help you or felt burdened by doing so will be the same ones trying to be in the lime light sharing center stage with you. This is a crazy!! I can't pretend like I have not been in one of these categories before, but let me preface that by saying there is a difference between people who want you to do everything for them and people who genuinely need a little help so that they can do for themselves.


I fall in the category of people who genuinely need help. Yet, everywhere I turn it seems to come from the people I least expect it. The one's I do expect help from, my family and close friends, seem caught up in their own world and too busy to assist. Guarantee you, when I get that law degree people are going to want free legal counsel. *Le sigh*


What happened to the barter system in the Black community?! You do a service for me, I do a service for you. Now, it's all about money and every one is trying to get paid. Little do these people know you can't take money to the grave and you make more friends and money by offering services for free than you do charging ridiculous amounts of money in a recession!



I'm one of those women who plan to earn my first million by 30, but not at the expense of ripping my people off. I rather not sale my soul to gain the riches of the world.


I wonder where those few men and women, regardless of race, that believe in this barter system. That believe in collective service sharing and building businesses together. IF you are one of those people, let me know. It's time to start a revolution and only those who believe in communal success need to put on their boots and prepare to take over the world.


We need to go back to the day where people knew how to get by on a little to gain a lot. Somehow the mentality of young professionals are so corrupt by the fallacy of riches in today's society that most of them will end up poor. Poor in their pocket, soul, heart, or mind. The definition of community is dwindling and we need to save it if we are to prosper and improve the lives of those closest to us.


I know I'm ready to build an empire. The question is: Are you?

My Princess Boy: Let Your Son Wear A Dress If He Wants Too! Why Not???

 Every woman has thought about her future, whether she wants kids, and how she would want to raise her kids. The thing is, usually we don't take into account that we cannot control who are kids will be, their personality, or whether they will be nerdy or the so called "cool" kid.

This morning I was listening to Russ Par Morning Show on 93.9 and they were interviewing the mother and author of "My Princess Boy," Cheryl Kilodavis. I hope that was it if not then its another woman.


While they were interviewing her on the reasons she allowed to let her son dress up and play with traditionally girl clothing and toys, you could hear the attitudes, judgements, and ignorance in their voice.

As a 1 year psych major, (sorry I couldn't hack it) I learned that behavior is learned. We believe what we believe through socialization and societal norms reinforce those beliefs. With that said, it troubled me when their explanation for why she should not let her child play dress up with traditionally girl clothing was he was not supposed to, he is a boy.


Knowledge is power. The lack of it is the reason people get stuck in the myopic state, participate in group think, and say ignorant comments like that which fails to provide a real reason.



I hope that the knowledge I'm about to share is the same knowledge along with the attitude I have that will stay with me if my son one day once to rock mommy's 4 inch fierce stilettos. At least I know he'll be fly.


Back to the point: As children, they do not know that girls play with these toys and boys play with other toys. They don't know the difference between gender until they observe that girls don't have the same equipment as boys. Now, their curiosity is peaked. Questions begin flying. Children are a blank slate. However, when we push our societal norms and values on to them we shape them.



I remember last Thanksgiving, I was at my best friend's family house and her cousin's son was playing with his cousin's barbie doll. Mind you he has two older girl cousins (both 6 at the time) who were playing with the dolls and he's 2. He wanted to play with them. His mother came over and grabbed the doll out his hand and was upset telling us her son won't be playing with no dolls, keep that out of his hands.




I was shocked and saddened by the lack of knowledge of the fact that kids don't think too much about the gender of a doll. Kids think simple. This is a toy. Period. Also, sexual orientation is determined at a early age. So just because your son likes to play with dolls and wear make up and you think you can change that, chances are if you forbid him from engaging in his natural inclination to those objects you will cause him to repress his desires and they will manifest in another way. Probably more dangerous and harmful this time.



The whole notion of a man or child wearing a dress baffled almost every caller and the radio hosts. How fast do we forget that in the past men wore clothing that resembled dresses. In Ireland, men wear kilts some time.

Clothing does not determine our sexual orientation nor do our hobbies and what we like define who we are. When I wonder what is wrong with today's youth and the world, I realize people lack knowledge and parents/adults tend to pass along their resentment, bitterness, and negative views of the world onto their kids.




Kids are innocent. Let them stay that way. Or our future will look dimmer and dimmer. I think about this now as I think about how I want to raise my kids and how I would do it differently or the same as my mom, grandmother, and so forth. Let's do better. As a single woman, I weigh the mindsets of potential partners in my decision to date them heavily. Myopic men get the "kick rocks" from me. No shame in it all at either!



"My people perish from a lack of knowledge." - Hosea 4:6

WTH! He's STILL A Married Man!

Today in the office, a co-worker was sharing celebrity gossip and she made the statement that the guy Fantasia was dating or talking to was not bad looking.

I wouldn't be me of course if I didn't make a statement about the situation rather than just keeping it on the surface. With that said, let's dive in, shall we.


I cannot really understand why Paula Cook would lie about the separation between her and her husband. Now, my spidey senses start tingling because was it that she thought that their separation was over with her husband and that they were on the road to fixing their marriage OR was she hurt and bitter about his relationship with another woman that she wanted Fantasia to feel her pain. You know how they say, "hurt people hurt people," "misery loves company," and "the best way to hurt someone is to hit them where it hurts, in their pockets."


We may never know the truth behind the matter, but in the courtroom the judge handed down that what Mrs. Cook stated about the separation, "That was a lie." (In my Maury voice).



I'm not up to date with the whole scenario, but I pray Paula Cook does not pursue further action on Fantasia. Especially if its all about the money. The world knows you're hurt. Any woman would be, but to attempt to seek your own revenge is pointless and will not ease the pain felt by finding out your husband is with another woman.



I'm a paranoid person, so my next thought, well prior to our office discussion, was that they were acting together to get Fantasia's money. Again, I pray that is not a evil plot in play.




At the end of the day, Separation is still MARRIED! Forget how we like to spin it or what not, but he was still a married man. While we could pass judgement on Fantasia for lying that she even knew the man (which seems like a sign she knew her actions weren't right) and still engaging in a relationship with a married separated man, the truth of the matter is we all make mistakes. Our mistakes however are not revealed on such a bigger platform as celebrities. So, don't throw the first stone.




Real life example of this quote: "A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes." - Mark Twain


I will admit that I am just upset that she tattooed his freaking name on her! Come on Fanny!


Anywho, Let's stop spreading lies and half-truths like wild fire and let's spread the truth instead. Also, before you believe the stories everyone is spreading, let's check their sources and do our own research. I fall victim to this too, but as I try to do better I encourage you to do the same.

Journey of Life

Have you ever sat back and wondered what was the point of school? Now, I'm not talking math or reading, but what was the point of history, science (if you don't plan or already have a career in the field)? Most of what I was taught, I didn't learn. I can barely remember basic math in my head and usually opt for a calculator. I know, sad.


With that said, why didn't we learn taxes, financial planning, real life application to interest rates, and why didn't we learn why some of the things we were learning were going to be important? I'm sure we still wouldn't have listened if they told us, but I really wish I payed attention in English class when we learned new vocabulary words or in chemistry.

My vocabulary would be a beast right now and I would know what acid could help me break into a cheating boyfriend's apartment. Knowledge is powerful! With my mind, it would be very dangerous. I really do mean dangerous. I would love to learn to pick locks and disarm an alarm system as well break into a home. Just to say I know how, but not use it for evil. I digress.


I wish there was a askGod.com site that you could ask what is my purpose? What should my major be? Is he cheating? Should I apply for this job? Where should I go to school? What color should I dye my hair? Will my kids be decent or gorgeous? When will I get married? and actually get the answer.


I know it's not meant to be simple, but when you want and are looking for answers... It ain't so simply and you want it to be.



I might just pray for a askGod.com, but I think God knows we would just think a human was operating the system. Might destroy all of our lives. Until then, I'll keep wandering around until I find my next path. Hope too much time doesn't pass before then though. No one wants to be the One at the class reunion who didn't do much with their life in the last 5 to 10 years.

New Year Resolutions

In my younger days, I made new year resolutions every year. Only to ditch them within a week of making them. Somehow, people continue to make Resolutions every year. Telling themselves and others that, "This year is my year."


Well, change doesn't need a start date it needs action. So, instead of waiting to the new year to make some needed changes in my life, I plan to start today.


Be a healthier person. Live a healthier lifestyle. Get organized. Get financially fit. Improve my communication skills. Beef up my networks. Stay focused. Get my life in order.




Change starts when you decide that enough is enough. When you start to embrace change as something good, not scary or something to fear, you're able to cope with it better. So, start today. Don't wait til midnight Dec. 31st, make 2010 your year and continue that change into 2011.




Happy New Years!

Men Ain't Men No More

 No words.

Chivalry been dead. No shocker there, but men are not men any more. The script has flipped and now they want to be chased, romanced, and treated like a Queen, I mean, no I meant Queen.


So in my real attempt not to be coerced into a relationship, a guy I was talking to (who will remain anonymous) actually told me he wants somebody that wants him too. Now, I'm thinking to myself, "duhhhh, why wouldn't you?."

Then, he continues and asks if I like him because he didn't want to like me unless I liked him too. Now, those weren't his exact words, but in summary that's it. I laughed!

Seriously, how old are we that you are so scared of rejection that you rather look like a punk little boy. I can't respect a man that wants to take the easy route for love. How am I as a woman supposed to respect you and allow you to be a man?


Men ain't men no more. They are too scared of rejection. Too busy still chasing women who don't really care about them, well at least not until they finish spending his money. Too big headed thinking that by chasing their careers, the women will follow. It's true, but only the golddiggers will follow.Too conceited thinking women should cater to them, demanding 10's when they are a 4 and barely look composed.



You can't demand the world, if you aren't willing to give it! Don't let the videos, movies, and other falsehoods fool you. All that glitter is not gold! And money doesn't always attract the best kind of women, you know the type of woman that will ride with you. It only attracts the women that will ride with you until the money is gone then leave you for your homie.


I can easily apply the same unrealistic expectations to women. Let's get real with what we are offering and what we want. Stay focused on your own lane and stop looking at how everyone else is running their race or how their running it.


As far as men, I have no idea how to get back to the days where men were men. I could look up to them instead of now, I shake my head and laugh at the guys that step to me. All I can say, is don't let rejection turn you into a coward. Simply put, what homeboy did to me was pitiful and got him completely dismissed and labeled a crazy.



Deal with your emotional baggage people. Don't talk to someone until you have finally gotten rid of it or minimized the load you carry. And never ever get comfortable.



The plight of Single Black Women.

Double Standards?!

We live in a world where double standards have become the norm. While we may not all agree with them and some of us may even attempt to fight them, one way or another we get boxed in or box someone else in with these so-called double standards.



When men sleep with multiple women, he is just sowing his oats or being a man. When a woman does it, it is not looked upon as sexual liberation and freedom, but it is demonized as ho-ish behavior and she is no longer an attractive candidate as wifey... she is now jump-off material. Men will sleep with her, but not lock her down. On the flip side, women will keep sleeping with the promiscuous man in hopes of being locked down as wifey, knowing damn well he will continue to cheat. Not always, but a high likelihood he will.



That is the most common double standard.Just used it as an example, but there are many more double standards that exist in our every day life. From women who expect men to pay for every outing or meal. To men who believe that just because he pays he is entitled to sex. You may be thinking how is that a double standard, here's how: If a woman paid for everything (You know this happens) and a man is not putting in any money, then she would be entitled to all the sex, cooking, cleaning, and whatever she wants! Right?! Somehow when the tables are reversed, it's no longer ideal.


Even in the work place, if a Black man responds to a comment made with a stern voice and strong opinions he is being assertive. A Black woman who does the same thing is labeled as a bitch, angry, aggressive, bitter, and in desperate need of some sex to make her happy again. A double standard that plays on the stereotypes of Black women.


So, I would love to say let's get rid of these double standards! But in reality there are some I am not willing to give up like men offering their seat to a woman, opening doors, and pulling out chairs. Oh, and paying for the first date!


I personally live by the philosophy that if I invite you out, then I pay, but if you invite me out.. cough up the cash player. You want my time and to be in my company, not the other way around.


I do believe that as a woman if you call yourself independent, then you need to be independent enough to help cover the cost or pay it all for a particular outing. Again, I don't pay anything for the first three outings, but after that I'll surprise you by taking the check. (Have to send that subliminal message that I don't need you, but I want you. Men tend to forget that.)



Keep them all, some, or none? Tough! But double standards exist and they are beginning to destroy the creation of relationships because people are becoming so blind to the if I do this, you should or should not do this philosophy.


Let's be better about making up our own rules and not following the crowd because clearly not every one is doing it right in their relationship, marriage, etc. Are you mature enough to recognize your double standards?


The majority is not, it's okay. Takes a strong group to roll with the minority and go against the grain.

Special Delivery: A Special Part of Me

I told myself I would keep my poetry that I began writing to myself. See its been years since I have stood on a stage allowing the words to slowly escape my slips on the roller coaster of perfect timing, tone, and just deliverance for a precise presentation. My love has welcomed me back with open arms and its been nice ever since.


Although I said I wouldn't share, I think this one may resonate with people. Here it is, so enjoy!

Unnoticed

Here, I sit

In a room full of people

Yet, I go unnoticed.

Everyone engrossed in what they are doing at the moment

Not a care about what pain is occurring somewhere in the world

No thought that someone, somewhere just took their last breath.

It is the absence of consciousness that allows me to sit here

And go unnoticed.

Face full of sadness

Eyes drenched with despair

I receive glances, but these glances remain empty mimicking glances given to a stranger passed on the street.

Everyone is engrossed in their current engagement

Present only in the moment in hand.

Here, I sit

Present in the Yesterday's, Earlier's, and Tomorrow's

Sitting waiting in the moment

But my spirit elsewhere.

My body sits here

My eyes drenched with the neglect of love, heart beating to the slow drum beat of sorrow

My head swirling over the resounding disappointment on the brink of defeat.

I sit unnoticed

In a open space surrounded by others

Yet, my body sits here unnoticed.

My spirit dancing with hope in the Yesterday's and Tomorrow's

Earlier's no longer exist in spirit

Only they still reside in my body.

The remnants of Earlier's in my eyes sullen with a dream deferred

My body and mind waging a tug of war for my spirit to return to Reality.

Have you seen Reality?

Have you been there lately?

Because my spirit

Ever present in the Yesterday's and Tomorrow's feels at home

Always dancing to the music

Laughing at every joke

Skipping, instead of walking.

Does Reality allow your spirit to roam free in its Kingdom?

Here, I sit

Forgetting the Yesterday's, Earlier's, and Tomorrow's.

Here, I sit

In the midst of Others engaged in the current moment

Unconscious of every thing happening in the world where news reporters dare not venture.

Here, I sit

In this God forsaking Reality that wanted Me to be present for it

Gone unnoticed.

Tears streaming down my face

Running trails where my make-up once was

As if my tears that had fallen into my lap like raindrops intended to follow that trail back into my eyes once I had finished going unnoticed in a room full of Others.

Here, I sit

In the Present moment called Reality

Gone Unnoticed.

I guess no one missed me, my spirit. 

Yet, Here I am, Now...

Unnoticed.

Desire for Love?

I often find myself analyzing and critiquing my actions on a daily basis. Talk about OCD, right??


Well, one thing that has come to my attention is this desire for love. Love is defined in many different ways and I have yet to define what love means to me. It seems that if you look out at the world, love is not popular, yet desired by those who very seldom want to express or give it. What about the Love for Desire?

We desire people to notice our daily existence. If you didn't, you wouldn't have a facebook or a twitter, for posting on these sites sends a message to your online friends that I am still alive. I desire your attention to notice that I am still here. Even if we are still here, barely managing to keep our sanity in this so-called reality of what we call life. Even if we write our statuses, eyes filled with tears from the realization that no one really gives a damn of your existence. But, we love to desire. Desire attention.


You might find the disdain in the tone as you read this, and probably because it is there. We, as humans, desire love. We have a desire for love. So, what do you do when that desire is being unfilled? Is loving yourself enough? Is it as easy as telling someone YOU are responsible for loving yourself?


Well, if that is the answer. Perhaps, you can elaborate on how do you explain that to: a 2 day old baby thrown in the garbage by a mother who doesn't want the responsibility? A 5 year old little girl beaten close to death by alcoholic parents who were beaten by their parents? Or a 12 year old boy raped by his step-father and then disowned from his entire family when he reveals that he is now gay at the age of 15?


Is loving oneself enough to fulfill the desire for love?


If the proverb, it takes a village to raise a child, is true, then does it not also take a village to love a child. So, I ask you, is loving yourself enough to fulfill your desire and need for love? Love as you define it. Ask yourself. It's a rhetorical question.

Black Girl Blues Pt. 1

It is one of the most disheartening moments when you finally realize that the people you looked up to, placed on a pedestal to some extent, and thought had the answers to life and were living life, are not who you thought they really were/are. It is enlightening and disheartening the day you realize wisdom and knowledge does not increase with age. Yet, those who are older presume this to be true and treat those younger than themselves accordingly.

That is simply... Frustrating!


I cannot say for sure that they understand fully the demeanor in which they enact the belief that because they are older, that they know more and are wiser than I or you. Usually, it takes the form of them telling you you're not doing something right, you're missing the mark, you think too highly of yourself than you ought to, all the while they position themselves as knowing more and you ought to take heed to the advice they partake on you.


I will listen, but it is to my discretion whether I understand the advice to wise or not and take action.

Maybe, we are all guilty of doing this at one point or another. This may be a lesson to teach me how annoying, belittling, and arrogant it is. Trust me, I am learning! Now if I can only learn to prevent myself from doing it. Of course, that requires a daily consciousness of self and self actions, thoughts, and words.


The one thing I can say, is the more I come in contact with such foolish wisdom masked as a measurement of age, it makes me more and more inclined to draw away from the people I love, once loved to share every detail of my life with, and now, cringe at the very thought of having to talk more than five minutes with them.



It's the same feeling I got  the day I realized not all friendships will last forever. People really are here for a reason, season, and a lifetime. The foolish thing I have always done and am working to cease doing is attempting to make those reason and season persons a part of that lifetime category. I'm learning when some people have just ran their course in my life. It hurts to have to walk away or slowly disappear when some of those people have played such a huge part in the most memorable moments in my life, were a part in so many happy and fun times, and helped me through the difficult moments. We change at different paces and at the point in which we change pace, we must also change the people we surround ourselves with because it is true, that we our only as strong as our weakest link. People cannot change people. Only GOD can.And Birds of a feather do flock together.


So, I ask myself, what are my options? Do I really have options if the people who I loved and once loved me enough to give me space to grow on my own begin to damper my light, trample upon my spiritual growth, and block the sunshine I need to sprout?


They are tough questions, that I need to answer at some point in time, but I won't, at least not right now.

What's a Woman To DO??? Black Men Are Something Else These Days!

For the last two weekends, I have been traveling for pre-law programs and each time I have met truly amazing women during my travels. Last Saturday, I took a bus to New York for an event at Fordham Law School. At 3 a.m. I met a older lady who grew up in New York and moved to Maryland. Let's just call her Mrs. B.

For the next 2 hours, Mrs. B and I talked, mostly I listened because I find it intriguing to listen to the life stories of those older than me and to hear how different our worlds were/are when she was my age. As she talked about how she knew her husband since they were 14 and how her and her sisters acted towards men to build and demand respect, all I could think was that no one does that today! Mrs. B told me that her and her sisters had this rule: If a guy was 5 minutes late for a date, they would not go out with him. Every date after that he was on time!

I think that is how it should be now. The relations between Black women and men have become one where men expect women to cater to them on every hand and foot when they have done nothing at all to deserve it. What? You paid for movie and dinner!? Spent over $100!? You're not buying a service, a ho, or love. The amount of money men spend on a woman is for their own ego, that doesn't impress women of substance.


So, last night I decided to see how Mrs. B's philosophy would work in today's society. A old male friend has been wanting to hang out with me, but of course it seemed as if it was only on his time and always late at night. Now, I'm no BoBo the fool so I wasn't having that.

On Friday, he wanted to stop by on his way out to the club with his friends. Now, we were talking at 10:30 p.m. on the phone. Thus, his visit wouldn't come to 11:30 p.m. (The game was on). A little side note about me... I get in the bed early now because I like being an early riser, even on the weekends. So, I told him he couldn't come over because I planned on being in the bed by that time. His response, that I should stay up.


Ladies and Gentleman, Excuse me for a second. In what logical, let's keep it 100% real for a moment, world did that make sense and for whom. He wants to see me, but he also wants to finish watching the game. And I am supposed to stay up twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to get there only to be kept up even longer pass my bedtime and have to fight him out the house. Yeah, I saw all Cons for me and gladly said another day. He caught a little childish pout, mad he didn't get his way attitude. I really didn't care, he'll get over it.


Last night, I said I would be nice and invite him to a movie night at either 7 p.m. or 9 p.m. no later. Again, I wanted to be in bed early and I don't believe in having men over my house after a certain time, unless they are really good platonic friends of mine. I swear it seemed like I asked him to choose between two of the best strip clubs in town because he kept trying to call me back. Then, he tried to push the time back to 9:30 p.m. and I would not budge at first. I was on a mission to be in bed at a certain time. I started working on some projects and of course 9:30 p.m. was looking like the actual time I would be able to start the movie, so I hit him up and told him. Now, he wanted a later time. Asked him straight-up if he would be here by 9:30 p.m. and no later than that. He didn't know, so I told him no.


This time, his friends were having a get together and going out afterwards. He really wanted to see me, but wanted to hang out with his friends too. Not knocking him hanging out with his friends, do you baby boy! But Fellas, let me explain one thing to you! If you are really trying to talk to a girl, are in a relationship with her, and want to be successful in any female-male relationships, the woman comes first. You can hang out with your boys, not saying that you can't, but what I am saying is that you have to learn how to sacrifice and learn the ability to decipher when its "our" time and "your" time. At the end of the day, your boys are not going to cook your dinner, massage your back, clean your crib, wash your dirty drawers, and keep you warm and feeling needed, wanted, and sexy at night. If they are and you still want a woman to call your girl, O_o by all means do what you feel is right for you.

lol) OR 3) If you are spending time with your girl and balancing your time with your boys, but she wants you to spend your every waking second with her and no one else... Chances are you have a insecure little girl, not a grown woman.



If there is one thing that I cannot stand it is a man who can not make up his mind. Know what you want and be able to make a decision on how to get it. Listening to Mrs. B's advice on men, made me really think about men today and how everything must be how they want things and on their time. Everything during booty call hours when I ain't giving up no booty! I may be single for quite some time with this pattern continuing. As a woman, I am not chasing a man, the man should chase the woman. Yes, I still believe in that mentality and old way of doing things (only in the courting stages). 



I believe in compromise, but its amazing how men will always attempt to flip the script and try to make women feel as if they are wrong for sticking to their own principles. I don't want any man in my house after a certain time. That is what it is. Can't handle it or respect it, you just won't be knowing where I live or coming over. If that means I won't be having any relationships for a while, I'm fine with that. Maybe, men my age need more time to get their priorities in line. But I will never again be with a man who does not first respect me as a woman, human, a Black woman, and respect my feelings and time. Almost every woman has dealt with that before.


This post is not about all men, I can't even generalize this to all Black men, but this is my experience with the Black men and man mentioned above I have encountered. So, don't get your panties, thongs, granny drawers, boxers, or briefs in a twist thinking this is a blog that likes to demonize all men and women. Any Black person knows we are not the same and thus have to be treated as individuals. I don't like to be placed in a box, so I try my best not do it to others. It's an injustice.


But I wonder if Black relations will improve! Maybe I'm not meeting the right men, but where the hell are they hiding???? And please if you are one of those people that believe its not men, its something wrong with me Kiss My @ss it doesn't negate the fact that there are men who still engage in this manipulative behavior regardless of the woman's allowing it. If you believe that women allow men to act that way and therefore, they continue to engage in this behavior. You do an injustice to men by implying that they are incapable of self-control and self-governance and need someone to straighten them up. Think about it!

Get Out Of Your Own Way: My Experience at The National Black Pre-Law Conference

This is our history... our history was revolutionary & powerful. 

This is where we come from.

This weekend I had the honor of being present at a wonderful, great, marvelous, empowering, powerful, amazing, God-ordained conference: The National Black Pre-Law Conference founded by Ms. Evangeline M. Mitchell, Esq., Ed.M. that began Thursday and ended today in Houston, Texas.

Let me just say that I was extremely blessed to be in the presence of so many highly esteemed and great individuals. Make that great lawyers, judges, Law School shot callers, along with future and current law school students. To see Black people empowering each other, reaching back to give us the information that they WISHED they had to prepare them for law school and a career in law was just overwhelming for me.

So often we are in communities, churches, families, friendship circles, schools, and even being impacted by media where all we see are Black people demeaning each other and fulfilling the "crabs in a barrel" philosophy. We see, hear, and know of more Black men and women, and let's include our Hispanic brothers and sisters, that are going to jail than college, law school, and grad school. There is a vicious cycle of structural and institutional racism that is attacking and has been attacking US for so so long. Yet, our small gains in various areas are over fantasized as big achievements and we have simply become complacent with our current second-class citizen status because now the problems are covert and structurally hidden.


To be in a place where there was nothing but positive words of empowerment and inspiration, and advice being given to not only prepare the Blacks and Hispanics that were there, but to ensure that we succeed (i.e. apply, enroll, survive, and graduate law school as well as have successful careers) was truly amazing. There were a plethora of Unsung Heroes that without any one knowing who they were, were and are helping to pave the way to make it easier for myself, as a Black woman, to become a lawyer.


Yes, racism is still alive, but racism is NOT the reason for any person's failure. Your failure to preserve, keep faith, fight, and never give up is however. Do not let yourself become victim to, as they said, "Psychological Defeat."


Our ancestors fought too hard for the privileges, rights, and opportunities that we now take forgranted and pass up. Hardship is just that. Hard, but not impossible to overcome.



I am humbly grateful for the conference because I was turning myself into a victim of Psychological Defeat & now, let's just say I am "Hitting the ground running" now that I am back in Maryland.



Network, Network, Network!!! Talk to people. Ask for help! "Open mouths, don't get fed!"


A quote from a Maryland State Senator that he used every single day and every time I saw him that stuck in my head months, even months later is, "You have not, because you asked not."


So invest in yourself and do things that will enhance where you are and put you where you want and need to be. Money you can get back, the knowledge is invaluable. Empower yourself and each other. Open your mouth & watch how you will be fed. I am becoming a living testament of that & pray that the blessings that I have received from receiving the information, knowledge, wisdom, contacts, and experience from The National Black Pre-Law Conference in Houston, Texas will continue to keep flowing.



God Bless!


"Be an active participant in your destiny! It just won't happen out of thin air." - Ms. Chanelle

Vote! Vote! & Vote! - Don't Be Ignorant

As the general election occurs today, I have text everyone in my phone & called family members to vote. I understand that the many facebook statuses, twitter updates, texts, etc about voting can be annoying, but let's be practical: How often do you get mass messages & the same message from everyone?


While you may be one of these people tired of the message, someone else hasn't received it yet, someone else has decided they won't vote, and it is because of every one's persistence in spreading the Go Vote message that people have actually been guilted, persuaded, and coerced into exercising that right which was denied to African Americans and women not so many years ago.



So, if you are one of those people who have decided not to vote or think your vote doesn't matter, I say this to you: Don't Be Ignorant!


Your vote is your active participation in a process that is as important as brushing your teeth daily, eating, and drinking water for the health of your body. Voting is the action you take to show you care about the future of your taxes, your money, your child's education, the laws that will govern your life, and so many other things.


Please don't be ignorant to the fact that the people voted into office at the national, state, and especially local level have a lot of power in their decision making that govern our every day lives!!!!

I encourage you to not only vote because that is a easy step, but to be an informed voter. Don't take what you hear likely, do your research. We are in a advanced technological age where you have no excuse for why you didn't know something besides pure laziness and the failure to use your fingertips and the Internet.

Information is at the tip of our hands, so another thing I encourage you to do is to not only be an Informed Voter & actually go VOTE, BUT be active in the entire process from this day forth. Not just when elections come around, but all year round. Decisions are being made at these local Board meetings, during State hearings & committee meetings, and so forth. All of which you have access to. You have access to them. So, please don't be ignorant and vote without being informed, or don't vote, or think that voting was all you had to do to play your part in the process.


It's not!!!! A Democracy is successful when the people continually engage the process and tell their representatives what they want and don't want. How laws that are being proposed will really affect the people. Talking and arguing amongst your friends or cursing under your breath at the television doesn't help. Write an original letter because some, not all, but some politicians really do read their constituents letters and address their concerns. You, the constituent, are the BOSS. Exercise your power and right.


Just don't be ignorant... Too many people have fought, suffered, and died for this right that we now can exercise without the same barriers that once existed.


If you can't vote, I really don't think you have a right to even complain about anything. Just the same as if you don't put up money to pay for a group of people to see a movie, how dare you think you can add your two cents about what movie to see when the group decides on a movie you don't like.



Be informed, exercise your right to vote, & be engaged in the process after and before any Primary & General Election.

Are You Serious??? My Cell Phone Tho?

 We are in another technology revolution.It's crazy.

Believe it or not, I have been hearing and reading from many men that the type of cell phone a woman carries matters. Some have even gone so far to say we now live in 2010 which means that you should have a touch screen or a smart phone. Some men have said they won't date a woman who doesn't have those two types of phones.

Are you freaking kidding me? I think that's ridiculous! Increasingly, people (not specific to one race or gender) are becoming materialistic where we are defining ourselves and each other by how much we have, what we have, and how much we pay for it! I'm not oblivious to the fact that this has always been around, but it seems to appear that even more people, especially college graduates, are so caught up in the materialistic.


Well, I have one question for men and women who base their decision to date someone on the materialistic: What happened to the individual being a key factor in dating?


I am really trying to understand how something as a cell phone became a deal breaker. For me, it is not economically intelligent to be a prospective grad student trying to save money to ease the large amount of debt I'm about to stack up, but still paying $130/month for my Blackberry. Oh honey, that thing will get chucked after the 2 year contract is over. I will gladly get me a flip pre-paid phone from Walmart and use my google chat to dial people.



But, of course I'm keeping the money or "living within my means" in perspective. So, why does it matter what type of phone someone have that will determine whether you will date someone? Then, we wonder about the plight of relationships and marriage. Clarification: All marriages are on the decline in relation to their population.


At the end of the day, a phone still does its original purpose and calls people. Now that no one calls, every phone has the SMS text feature, so the only difference between the phones is the make, look, Internet capability, and $$$$$.


Let's base the process of selecting a partner, lover, mate, etc. off something other than as silly and materialistic as a cell phone. I even have a problem with people who can't look past the wrapping of the present (how someone dresses) and see the true gift in a person. Money buys clothes, shoes, cell phones, cars, & pays for our grooming, but not every person has money.


I pose this challenge. Get to know the person first before your deal breakers start calling play action and you miss out on a beautiful spirit. If that person can't dress, their hair is always just not on point, you always see them in sweats, etc. Get to know them! We pass these people by and guess what, that could be a man or woman in grad school, struggling at the moment for the larger price of making it in the end.


Let your superficialities GO!!!!! Let's be realistic in our deal breakers and our approach to dating.

Introspection: Intellectual Struggle Within My Mind

 I'm not a man, but the art speaks for itself.

I ran into a old classmate from one my favorite classes in undergrad today as I was coming from a political panel that was excellent. When we began talking, her diction and articulation reminded me that somehow I had fallen off my A game. But, I was able to pick my game right back up without difficulty. It was similar to the saying/belief that once you ride a bike, you never forget how to ride one.


Well, we began discussing relationships and education. Specifically, the gap that education (obtaining a post-secondary education) perpetuates in family, friends, and even romantic relationships. I mentioned that the ability to have a intellectual conversation was very, very important to me in a romantic relationship. Here's why:


Depending on the type of college you go or went to (I went to a PWI - Predominately White University) and the type of classes you took (I was a Social Science major) your language begins to adapt to the distinct language in that field. If you want to master your field, you learn the language. For example, if you're a Psychology major you may use terms such as dissociative, cognitive or reinforcement. While non-Psych manors may know these terms, how they're used in the Psychology field and in everyday society are disparate.



Then I thought about how education starts dividing us socially because in order for one to continue to grow and excel in their field of study they must accompany like-minded people. If the guy I'm talking to is a "around the way" guy, blue collar job, and didn't do too well in school and not too bad, I can't discuss the dire need for education reform to reconsider zoning and the classism that exists within various regions. The language that I use may be unfamiliar to him. Let me clarify, it becomes increasing hard and annoying to have to explain what you said again after you said it, but this time in a language that your partner would understand. For me, and I don't speak for everyone, I don't want to communicate in a different language that requires more thought about how to say it in a comprehensive manner than what I first thought or said. It's just more work. I prefer to use the language I used in my mind when I first wrestled with the idea. (Now, I'm not saying if I met the right guy and that was the only obstacle that it would be a automatic deal breaker, but he might have to take some classes. I'm not trying to dumb it down.)


When I was in college as a upperclassman, I was talking to a ex from my Senior year in high school and we were talking about politics and the Presidential race. Now, my ex had never gone to college and whether or not he is smart, etc. is not relevant, but it became painfully obvious that he was using words that he didn't really know how to use in a sentence and he didn't know what he was talking about. I felt as if he was trying to impress me (the college ex-girlfriend) rather than just being himself and I felt more annoyed that my intelligence was being toyed with. That is, I was teased with a conversation that started a desire to debate the matter further, but he wasn't a qualified opponent to debate.


I still believe that intellectual compatibility is a must for me. However, with the number of Black women pursing post-collegiate education growing and the number of Black men attending 4-year accredited colleges receding, I'm a little worried about my pool of options once I am out of law school. Of course, men of other races are a option, but its nothing like a beautiful Black man by your side as a Black woman. Then, geographical location already limits my eligible pool of "dateable" men, but education which furthers ones intellectual capacity has proven through experience that my options are even more limited or they just don't live in the DMV.


I wonder if I am the only one that takes intellectual compatibility into consideration when deciding what men are granted access to pursue more than just a preliminary conversation with me. Yes, I said granted because we all have permission to grant and revoke a person's admittance in our lives. If you don't pass the conversation test, you're SOL buddy! But is intellectual compatibility even important to men or women? Or more important to women than men or vice versa?

Thou Shalt Not Have Relations With Married Men...

For some reason I am still shocked to discover that women I've known my whole life and whom I have been very close to mess with married men. Of course, if married men are cheating, they must be cheating with someone! But, I can not fathom why any single woman in her right mind would want to date or sex a married man.

I believe in the silent code amongst upstanding Black women. I may not know who the woman is, but if a man has a woman he's dating, I refuse to discuss any topics or engage in any acts that I would call a foul on if my significant other had done the exact same thing. I represent probably a small percentage of Black women who honors and respect the code.


It's sad because the act of sleeping with a married man or a man in a committed relationship is very common nowadays. Fantasia! Separated or not, that man was not divorced from his wife. Yes, some men lie, but there are always signs, ALWAYS! One being, he never spends the night or that tan line around his left ring finger. Just saying.

Back on topic... Now, some people may say "if there's no ring, then he's on the market," but I guarantee you these same people would be crying their hearts out if their partner cheated. But it's a open market right?! D@mn hypocrites.


Seriously, as Black women and men, we have to do better! A Black woman cheating with a married man or a man in a committed relationship only diminishes the respect for Black love and relationships. It also sanctions the act of cheating for Black men in these relationships because let's face it, by today's ridiculous gender biases the woman will be a ho for sleeping around and the man, well he's the man. I don't agree with it at all, but how often does this seem to be the case!


Black men need to realize that a "real" man knows self-control (I hate using the world real but for lack of a better word). Black women need to realize that honey, you probably aren't the first, won't be the last, and if you get him - 9 times out of 10 how you get him, is how you lose him.


Have some dignity and respect not only for yourself, but for other people. Any person who willingly commits an act that they know may cause harm or hurt, is a person who is not whole or happy on the inside.It takes two people to cheat and both parties should be equally responsible for their wrongdoing.



Let's be and do better. What you do in the dark will come to light! I bet you wouldn't want your pastor or child knowing about your secret indiscretions, would you?



Did I take it to far? I am somewhat of an idealist. Would you ever sleep or date a married man or someone in a relationship? Have you been that man or woman that cheated? What is your take on this phenomena?